Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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