We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
