my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
