this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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