dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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