you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize