I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
MIDGETS
????
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
