Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
