Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
