so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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