His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
