Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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