btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
