just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
