There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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