I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
my liver is dry heaving
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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