Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
What a dumb baby whore.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
