Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
