Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
