So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
