"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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