It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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