So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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