Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
