I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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