if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize