At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
