dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize