drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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