We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
