If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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