It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
