I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
