Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
