You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
