My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
