if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
