Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize