you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
