I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize