my mouth tastes like poor choices
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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