I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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