oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
