My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
