he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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