At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
