She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize