I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize