Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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