you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We talked him into tasing himself.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
