doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
