Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
