Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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