I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
