we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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