and you said cock pushups were impossible
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
