You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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