Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You work out of a Hotel?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
