i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize