ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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