wat bout pragnant strippers??
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
