i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
