I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
