you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
