I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
honey bunches of taint.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So much rum. So many feels.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
