i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize