yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
