tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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