Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
