wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
