Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
