Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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