wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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