i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
