DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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