decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
