he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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