I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
this boner is exhausting
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
