my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
