Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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