I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Fuck appropriateness.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
