He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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