I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
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