I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
