I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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