hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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