Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
