its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
