Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
She said her name was "party"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
