I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
