thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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