I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
