I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
