you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
